I want to walk on stilts...naked
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
