so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you had me at cake vodka
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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