Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
