Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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