walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
