Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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