I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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