someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
