You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
