you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
