I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
