what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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