She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
