If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
