Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Life is so much better after having sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
