So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
