so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
