I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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