did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
