community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
