he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
