i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
