Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
