She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
