ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
