I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
