I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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