I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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