god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
