If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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