the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
