I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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