My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
