I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
