someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
