a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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