Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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