All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
