I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
