She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
