officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
