Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
