your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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