you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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