i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
