i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
