I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i love accidental penises.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
