honey bunches of taint.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
