I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
did i just pee glitter
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
