It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drunk is not a location!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
