put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
